While the whole world has been enraptured by the tragic death of an icon beloved by millions — R.I.P., Ed McMahon — our leaders have been busy little beavers. On Friday the House of Representatives passed the Waxman-Markey Bill, AKA the American Clean Energy and Security Act, AKA cap and trade. The allegedly Earth-rescuing legislation passed by a vote of 219-212, which is undoubtedly Mother Nature’s closest shave ever.

Yay! The environment is saved! So, okay, if this passes the Senate and President Obama signs it, your utility bills will go through the roof. But won’t the resulting gentle breeze be a nice substitute for all that nasty air conditioning? And so what if it’ll cost everybody more to drive a car, ship food and other goods, run a business, and do anything else that requires electricity or fuel? We need to stop modern life in its tracks! Put aside your petty personal needs and think of the planet, man.

Gaia just dodged a bullet.

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What’s that? They did what?

The Environmental Protection Agency may have suppressed an internal report that was skeptical of claims about global warming, including whether carbon dioxide must be strictly regulated by the federal government, according to a series of newly disclosed e-mail messages.

Less than two weeks before the agency formally submitted its pro-regulation recommendation to the White House, an EPA center director quashed a 98-page report that warned against making hasty “decisions based on a scientific hypothesis that does not appear to explain most of the available data.”

The EPA official, Al McGartland, said in an e-mail message to a staff researcher on March 17: “The administrator and the administration has decided to move forward… and your comments do not help the legal or policy case for this decision…”

Alan Carlin, the primary author of the 98-page EPA report, told CBSNews.com in a telephone interview on Friday that his boss, McGartland, was being pressured himself. “It was his view that he either lost his job or he got me working on something else,” Carlin said. “That was obviously coming from higher levels.”

Man, don’t these guys know The Science Is Settled™? But wait, there’s more!

Carlin has an undergraduate degree in physics from CalTech and a PhD in economics from MIT. His Web site lists papers about the environment and public policy dating back to 1964, spanning topics from pollution control to environmentally-responsible energy pricing.

After reviewing the scientific literature that the EPA is relying on, Carlin said, he concluded that it was at least three years out of date and did not reflect the latest research. “My personal view is that there is not currently any reason to regulate (carbon dioxide),” he said. “There may be in the future. But global temperatures are roughly where they were in the mid-20th century. They’re not going up, and if anything they’re going down.”

Undergrad degree? Sheesh! Leave the science to the experts, buddy. Like Al Gore.

Look, deniers: Just because the planet’s getting cooler doesn’t mean there isn’t global warming, and just because the climate isn’t changing much doesn’t mean it isn’t changing a whole bunch. When it comes to tricking people into doing things they’re too dumb to know they need, words can mean whatever we font gem through seen.